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A Letter To The Motherless On Christmas

A Letter To The Motherless On Christmas

This may be your first Christmas without your mother or it may be your 50th Christmas without her. Either way it sucks. Plain and simple.

There is absolutely no love in this world like the love of a mother. There is a void that cannot and will not ever be filled, no matter what anybody tells you. You don’t miss her today any more than you will tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. The holidays are just another painful reminder that she is no longer physically here. As you watch friends celebrate with their moms, please remember that yours is tucked away deep down in your heart where she will forever stay. As the wind blows through your hair, know that it is her gentle and loving touch. As the cold winter sun shines on your face please remember the warmth in your mother’s heart through all of the days she had on this earth. She didn’t want to ever leave you and she still hasn’t left you.

Your mother was greater than this world. I know sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair and it never will but please, please don’t cry, for your mother would want nothing more than to see you smile. I feel the pain within your heart as another day passes by without her. She doesn’t want you to be sad. She wants you to honor her life in the best way possible, and that way is to live it. Live it for you. Live it for her. I know it is sometimes easier said than done and sometimes words just don’t help and I know this because I lost my beautiful 48-year-old mother two and a half years ago to lung cancer, when I was 24.

As my 3rd Christmas without my mother approaches, I have come to find that the best way to heal is to remember. Remember her. Remember the sorrow, remember the love, remember everything. Talk to her, she’s always listening. And simply cherish the time you did have with her and the memories you have made. I want you to know that during this holiday season, you are not alone. You are never alone. All of our mothers are watching over us from heaven this Christmas…and every day, for the rest of our lives.

Happy Holidays to all of the motherless out there. Celebrate her, start a new tradition, live life to the fullest, and most importantly remember that even through the darkest of days, life still goes on.

Purchase my book “Life Goes On..?” here

This true story was written with the intent to inspire many. To those who are fighting the fight, keep on fighting. To those who have experienced tremendous loss, we must remember that even through the darkest of days, life does in fact go on.
 

Life Goes On Kindle Book Cover

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42 responses

  1. As I sit here reading this letter I am so sad and heart broken that my Mom will not be spending Christmas with me this year as god called her home May 17th.I will save a seat for her and cherish every memory I have if this beautiful amazing lady that I am so proud to call my MOM. Love you Mom in Heaven always will and say hello to dad and my 2 brothers, miss you and love all of you always and forever. Your Daughter,
    Susie. xoxo

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  2. This will be my 32nd Christmas without my mother…she put up 3 trees and decorated half the town for Christmas, and I will ALWAYS miss her, but know this—it DOES get better. Not easier—but better. Perhaps because of my husband and now grown children, perhaps because that 20 year old girl who lost her mother has grown as well. Nonetheless, I now smile when I think of her, and I do still talk to her, and I love her. Everyday. God Bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is my first year without my mom. I lost her on February 24, 2015 to stage 4 adenocarcinoma of the lung. I have had a very hard time with every holiday but this one seems to be the worst for me. I’m not sure how not to be sad. I’m not sure how to celebrate without her. Not a lot of people understand what I’m trying to deal with. Everyone says it gets easier. That the pain never goes away but it won’t be as sharp as time goes on. I pray this is true. But I pray more that I can just get through this first year of firsts.

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    • Ah Devon…I am working on my 3rd year without my mom…it doesn’t get easier or better or all the other stuff people tell you. It gets ‘different’. You remember smells, sounds, thoughts, or find yourself wanting to phone/tell her something but in the next breath, realize she is not there. I found that the first year flew by in a year of disbelief & the second year hit me right in the stomach. I feel ‘different’ this year being the third. Can’t explain…just take every second slowly, breath deeply, & deal with it as best you can. Perhaps surrounding yourself with family & friends will help but don’t sit & mope by yourself…watch a happy movie, a movie your mom liked (my mom loved Mrs Doubtfire), eat a favorite meal & take care of you! I will light a candle for you & yours…Merry Christmas…

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      • I myself am on my second Christmas without my Mom. I lost her on December 6, 2014 to a sudden heart attack. Last Christmas didn’t seem real and I hardly remember it. You said something in your words “it hit me right in the stomach “, and that is exactly how I feel about 2015 Christmas. I couldn’t find any words to explain my feelings until I read yours. I have 3 teenagers and my husband and I are just trying our best to keep traditions alive because we lost my husbands Mom 5 years ago to a sudden heart attack as well. My kids have experienced a lot of loss in a short period of time.

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    • find a Catholic Church that has a midnight Mass and go there and just sit and watch and listen….you don’t have to be Catholic. When Mass is over go up and visit the crib and tell the Infant how you feel and ask Him to help you….Ann

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    • I know how you feel, I lost my mom March 24,2015 to ALS. As you said it’s been hard but Christmas without seems 10 times worse but one thing I know is I’ll see her again someday. This year I’m without my mom but I also get to celebrate with my first grand baby so that’s what helps me get through this. I miss her so much and it’s not going to be easy but I know she wants me to be happy and enjoy this Christmas so in her honor I’m going to do my best. Will be praying for you

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  4. Lost my mum 11yrs ago in march. She loved Christmas with all of her family. Every year she used to say I’m making this the best Christmas as I might not be here next year. Love you mum miss you.I try to put a brave face on every Christmas but deep down I’m crying. But after reading this letter I will try and make Christmas like my wonderful mum did.

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  5. This is my 13th Christmas without my mother and my 4th Christmas without my dad. My mom passed away when I was 25 on July 8th 2003. I cherish every memory I have of her. In the winter she would put the dinning room table in the living room so I could roller skate and with would take walks around the neighborhood in the summer at nights and play on people’s sprinklers. I will never forget going on long drives in the summer with my dad with no particular place in mind. I will miss them but I sure will never forget them.

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  6. My mother passed away at the age of 47 3 years ago on Dec 19 from pneumonia. I was also 24. It’s hard to explain to anyone else what it feels like…the pit in your stomach, constant ache in your heart. This article is very true. So sorry for your loss!

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  7. I lost my Mom in 2008. She left on Christmas Eve and I believe because she was God’s gift to us. She founded the Martin Luther King Day Care center 40 years ago to help the poor children in our community. She sent me to college in 1961 although no female in our family had ever done so, because we were poor and African American. She scrubbed floors, cleaned houses, worked in freezing cold as a food service person to help me goto school. I did the same while out every summer and worked as a resident assistant during the school year. Everyone loved her because she helped everyone regardless of race, religion or economic status. She was call Grandmother by children of all races. She started a federal food program to feed children nutritious meals in home daycares throughout Kansas. I feel blessed to have had her as my mother for 65 years. She taught me yo a strong woman and for that I am grateful, so she never leaves my heart or thoughts. I am happy to help others during any season because she did thus my whole life. She gave me the gift of ” doing unto others, as you would have them do unto you” and I feel loved and blessed everyday by her even now. I keep her close to my heart.

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  8. Pingback: A Letter To The Motherless On Christmas | elizabethjef

  9. My 3rd without mom and 8th without dad. Left us heart broken the sadness it does not go away we have just learned to live without them. Knowing their spirits watch over us always

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  10. I LOST MY MOM WHEN I WAS FOUR. I DON’T HAVE VERY MANY MEMORIES OF HER BUT THE HEARTACHE OF GROWING UP WITHOUT HER STILL EXISTS. SHES BEEN GONE 54 YEARS NOW AND THE PAIN DOES’NT GO AWAY. BUT I WAS BLESSED TO HAVE A WONDERFUL STEPMOTHER THAT MY DAD MARRIED WHEN I WAS SIX. SHE ALWAYS TREATED US LIKE HER OWN AND I LOVED HER DEARLY AS MY OWN MOTHER. SHE HAS NOW PASSED AWAY ALMOST 5 YEARS AGO AND MY DAD 10 YEARS AGO.MY STEPMOTHER ALWAYS DID CHRISTMAS UP BIG. SHE WOULD CO DAYS STRAIGHT. I JUST DON’T HAVE THE CHRISTMAS ANYMORE. IT MEANT SO MUCH FOR MY DAD AND STEPMOM AND I CAN’T GET OVER THAT. I’M TRYINY FOR MY KIDS AND GRANDKIDS!

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  11. I lost my Mum 24 years ago and my Dad 28 years ago. I grew up as an only child. It is a hard time of year, but I keep the memories of past Christmases tucked away in my heart, I by a Christmas Card for them and put it beside their picture.

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  12. Thank you for sharing this, we lost our mom in March after she survived stage 4 cancer do to pneumonia, then 6 months later, almost to the day we lost our younger sister to a freak accident leaving behind 2 sons. One is 16 and the other is 8. Reading what you have wrote hits home pretty hard and know the feeling all too well. We know that they are looking down over us and make their appearance just to let us know they are still here.

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  13. Thanks for sharing this wonderful post. My mom died in 1983 when I was 45 years old. After reading this post I don’t feel silly saying that my mom still talks to me and gives me advice. She also asked me to pray for her. When I told her I do every day she said I know – thank you. I will never stop missing her!

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  14. 27 years later after my mom passed it has never changed…I was 25 years old and lost her to lung cancer…I will never get over it but have out my energy into my own children and husband but life has never been the same.

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  15. This is my first year without my mom, this year of firsts has been horrible but Christmas is the worst. I find myself crying at the drop of a pin, while driving, while at work, I feel so sad and so alone. I lost my father too, have no children and just feel empty inside. I know it takes time to heal but as time goes on it seems to be getting worse rather than better. I needed to read this article, it made me feel a little better. Remembering her hurts right now and brings tears, I pray that one day it will bring me peace.

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    • this is my first christmas without my mom i lost her june 22,2015 i understand the emptiness you are feeling cause out of my dad and moms sides of the family i am the only one left and i dont have children and cant i had surgery right after my mom passed and it left me without that as an option
      i pray that you and i both can somehow find peace oneday

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  16. Lost my Dad 12/21/77 and my Mom 12/26/88. I put on as brave and happy a face as possible for my family but it is the saddest time of the year for me. I know that they are always with me in my heart but I would give all I have to have one more hug.

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  17. This is the second year I am without my mom. She passed away March 8 2014. I does not get any easier. I was lucky to have her for 59 years , she was 90, died of lung cancer but never smoked. Proudly I will say she was the founder of the Rinald McDonald house in Bflo ny. So she will continue to help people for years to come. She was our families glu , put my kids through college and got to see them graduate , she held on for that ! I was blessed to have the greatest mother ever. And my kids the most loving generous Gram anyone could have . It will never really be Christmas without her , but we do our best , that’s all you can do . Sympathies to you all

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  18. I thought I would feel sad reading this blog post. I lost my mum this year to a sudden cardiac arrest. She was taken from me in a few minutes. I am 23, and she was 46. I thought this would make me feel sad, but the opposite. You have made me feel so much better about the holiday season and your words are beautiful and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting this. Words cannot describe how much it means to me, I must’ve read it ten times now. Thankyou so much, have a lovely Christmas.

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  19. Very tough 1st Christmas with the loss of our beautiful Mother, Cheri, in a tragic car accident on 9/28/15. She turned 60 this year & would’ve celebrated her 10 year sobriety ‘birthday’. It’s still surreal. We were so blessed to have her live with us for 10 ys. I never knew it would hurt so much. We miss her terribly. Especially her 18 yr old son. I’ll share some of my thoughts (in no particular order): 

    – We KNOW where my Mom is. It’s beyond a ‘better place’. She’s with JESUS! She’s never been closer to Him than the day she passed. We have peace knowing where she’s spending eternity!
    – We WILL see her again! Because we know Christ, we get to spend eternity with her, Praise God!
    – God knows the number of our days. No matter how it happens, He knows our final day.
    – God doesn’t make mistakes.
    – We’re not promised tomorrow. Love deeply. Forgive quickly.
    – Thank Him all day, every day. It could have been so much worse, but God took her in a flash.
    – He gave us 10 wonderful years with her! Thank you Jesus! 
    – Lean in deep to Jesus. He’s where true comfort comes from, in the wake of such a loss.
    – You only get one (biological) Mom in life. Love her well. (I could’ve done so much better…) 

    We’re happy for her, just sad for us right now. We will eventually heal & we’ll never forget her love! Her unconditional love & her heart for everyone! Because our Mom was a walking miracle & domestic violence survivor, we’ve started a ‘DV’ ministry in her honor called ‘ShesCHERIshed’. ’CHERI’ (my Mom) is in the literal center of it all. Feel free to keep up with updates: http://www.Facebook.com/ShesCHERIshed.

    God bless you all this Christmas and this post was definitely a help. Thank you. 🙏🏼💛

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  20. I lost my mom last December 18th and her funeral was on the 26th, she was a very young 91. It certainly was NOT a Christmas month. I miss her every day and find that I still walk toward the phone to call & share things with her. Tears come easily. Sitting in church or chapel does give me some comfort. I have a wonderful church family who has helped me greatly. Praying for all of us who live without “MOM”.

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  21. This is the 11th Christmas without my momma! I do my best to keep her alive, not only in my heart but everyone else’s. I miss her more than words can explain. I talk to her all the time and ask her for guidance. Even though it made me cry, I needed to see this. Merry Christmas Momma, I love you!

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  22. We lost our mother in October 2012, thank you for sharing. I use to talk to my mom every morning on the phone, on my way to work. I have her picture on my Sun visor. I still talk to her every morning, it has been so hard for my oldest brother at age 57. He misses her terribly he wants to be with her. He is so lonesome, he lost his girlfriend after my mother’s death. What you have shared with us, I am going to share with him. It all makes sense, I need him & he needs me. I feel sometimes she is with me, we were so close as mother & daughter.. I will never stop talking to her, are miss her.

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  23. 10th year without my mom, and holidays can be particularly hard. I have heard all that time heals all things, yada yada. It doesnt. 10 years later the very thought of her being gone brings me to tears. I can say something unfortunate, that sometimes memories fade. My best advice I can give is write down everything you remember about your mom, have other people join in and save those memories as you will be surprised how the mind loses things especially when trying to heal and not think of things that hurt. Lost my mom at 19, she was 49, and I don’t think the hole, the void, will or can ever be filled. when it happened to me it was like someone took my air, how can you breathe without air, but miraculously you do, and life does go on. but in my opinion the pain doesnt lessen, and never goes away, but with God, He will give you strength to get through it. God bless you all dealing with the loss of a mother and my prayers go out to you.

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  24. This is my 1st Christmas without my mother, she passed away on 9/17/15 at age 81, due to lung cancer. My heart misses her terribly…I want to call her and talk about her/my day or whatever. She lived with me for 5 years. She always said that I gave her a purpose (cooking, cleaning, etc.), however SHE gave me a purpose. I’m lost without her. There is nothing like a mothers love. I’m thankful that I had her for 56 years. I have a lot memories that I hold close and dear to me. She was absolutely beautiful inside and out! She dearly loved her children and grandchildren, the sentiment was mutual. She was young for her age, she was funny without trying, a great cook and a great dancer. She left a wonderful legacy behind. Someone said that she had a quiet grace about her-so true. She loved the Lord and I know where she’s at, which is a huge comfort. I know that I will see her again. Amen! But for now, my sibs and I miss her. She was loved by all.
    Sleep in Heavenly Peace Mom.
    P.S. Thank you for writing this touching message. This gives me/we hope. God bless you!
    Merry Christmas 💕

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  25. Mamma passed away ten days ago. Too much pain to celebrate Christmas and the birth of Christ. I cry all the time.
    If your Mom’s alive hug her today, just because you can.

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  26. I lost my mom to cancer when she was 48 and I was 23. It’s been 31 years, and that is still the hardest loss of my life. It’s always there, but over the years, other parts of your life begin to bloom, and you find that you don’t think of her every day, or even every week. It doesn’t mean you don’t miss her, or that it isn’t hard to watch friends have mothers there for some of life’s big events when you do not. I now have lived more years without my mother than with her. Thanks for writing this, know you are not alone, and know that you will carry her love in your heart and make a beautiful life.

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  27. I just lost my Mother on Nov 27th,2015. The day after Thanksgiving to COPD,CHF & Kidney Disease. She just turned 66yrs old Nov.1st and I’m 44yrs old. Plus I lost my Dad the day after Christmas,three yrs ago today, to Multiple Myeloma. Still not over losing him. And now the heartache is even worse. Holidays,especially from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day were the best in our house from when we were little and now there the worse. My parents loved these holidays. And that loved was passed onto us(their four kids). We are all married,but out of us four,I’m the only one that don’t have kids(I couldn’t have them). I’ve taken care of my Mother these last three yrs before she passed away. I moved back into her home to care for her as her illness has gotten worse. With my husband’s approval and understanding of course. He lived at our house still (which was close by,my Mother’s house)stayed certain nights and on the weekends. He knew,I wouldn’t want it any other way,he loved that about me. But as my Mother took a turn for the worse and went on Hospice at home,he stayed with us at her house. When she died that dreadful night,I started blaming myself for not being able too keep her well or strong enough and I still do. I know I tried my best with no medical degree or background but in my heart I feel like my best wasn’t good enough. When my father was sick,I helped take care of him with my mother. They both passed away at home,under Hospice. Well as the Holidays approached this year,we were trying too close up their house,get rid of things that needed to be,trying too get it ready to be put up for sale. My husband and I are still living here,for now,still working on it but I wanted one last traditional Christmas together in my parents house,as a family with my siblings and their families. And we did just that. It was very hard Christmas morning though,I didn’t wanna get out of bed,didn’t wanna face the day. At first I didn’t wanna even exchange Christmas gifts with my husband. But my sister talked me into it,said it wasn’t fair too my husband. So we did,exchange. I tried so hard to be happy. I’m a very emotional person,with a big heart,I’m very caring and loveable. We both don’t drive so it’s hard too start our own traditions. I don’t want my family too worry about us but I don’t wanna be left alone either. My family keeps saying that it’ll never happen but I’m afraid of up coming holidays. I know they’ll never be the same. I feel lost,like an orphan! I know they say time heals all wounds but I just don’t believe it! I’m so brokenhearted! 😦

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  28. My mom is gone 9 years and I miss her today the same as I did 9 years ago. There is a special bond between Mother and Child. You just learn to live with the grief. When the holidays approach I always have a day that I grieve all day, shed tears and feel down. It is a day for me to deal with my pain. This is body and mind giving me strength to have happy times with my children and grandchildren and make new memories when the holiday comes. I feel this not only at Christmas but other significant dates and for other loved ones I lost. As long as I live and have my mind I will never miss a day to remember and love my Mom, Dad and my young husband. I love them to the moon or heaven and back.

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  29. This was my second Christmas without my hero, my best friend, my momma. She went to Heaven October, 17, 2015. She also had Stage 4 adenocarcinoma of the lungs. It was a 13 month struggle for her. She kept fighting and stll wanting to do more chemo.
    To top that off my father was diagnosed exactly one year to the date of her death with the same exasct cancer.
    This Christmas was just as bad as the first one without her.
    She was the kindest, most gentle, loving person I ever met. She was so funny and silly, always making me laugh. She loved shopping at thrift stores.
    I miss her so much its mind numbing pain.
    It has gotten easier because I know shes with Jesus. It doesnt hurt any less but the tears dont fall as much.
    I know she would want me to be happy but my heart still aches.
    I love you my momma.
    Reat Easy.

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  30. my sisters and I lost our mom on Christmas Eve 2012. Her heart just stopped. Every day is very hard for me but her birthday ( 11-13) and Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and Mother’s Day are way harder….

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  31. This is my 23rd Christmas without my mom. I still miss her so much. Im grateful for the 20 years i had with her. Reading all your comments has made me realise im not alone in this journey.

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