What It’s Like To Date A Girl Who Lost Her Mother

She’ll be a different kind of girl. She has experienced loss and knows what it feels like to be left, even if it was unintentionally. Every day her heart will be hurting, even if she doesn’t show it. Comfort her.

She will act tough, she will pretend she doesn’t have emotions. She does. They’re tucked away deep down inside her broken heart. Let her know she is meant to be loved and you want to love her.

Each and every time you mention your mother she will cringed, not at the thought of her, but at the thought of her own mother not being around anymore. She will feel a sense of embarrassment when someone asks her about her parents. It is one of the hardest things in the world to have to explain to somebody why and how you are a motherless daughter.

Holidays will always be hard for her, after all the most important person in her world is no longer there. Do something to honor and celebrate her mother.

She will wish with all her might that you got to meet her mother before she died, but she knows that is not a possibility. She constantly wonders if her mother would like you, would she approve of you? Get to know her mother through her. Ask questions. Don’t be afraid of bringing up what you think may harm her heart even more. It won’t. She loves to talk about her mother. She wants you to know every little detail, but she probably would never tell you that on her own. Talk to her, ask her what her mother was like, what her mother loved to do, what her favorite food was, what song she liked, what she learned from her, etc. These questions will open her up to you, even if it’s only a tiny bit. Remind her every day that she is beautiful and she was raised by a queen.

She will cry a lot, but you won’t know it when she does. Let her know it’s okay and let her know that you want to be the shoulder she cries on. Let her know you want to be the one to make her smile through all the tears.

She’ll want to take a lot of pictures, memories are gold to her. She knows what it’s like to have amazing memories ripped from under her feet, and she is more than thankful for the pictures she has taken to keep those memories alive.

She will hide, she will not accept your love right away and it will take her a while to realize she is more than deserving of it.  She will hate the fact that she feels this way, remember she can’t help it.

She will be very independent, there will be a lot of things she won’t need you for, be there for her anyway, but always give her space. She values her solitude but don’t ever be offended by it. Take the time to understand why she likes to be alone.

She is not broken, although it may seem she is, so please don’t try to fix her. She is just finding her way in this world without her mother’s guidance.  She will guard her heart more than she ever has before, and you’ll have to try very hard to climb her walls, but when you eventually get to the other side, it will all be worth it, because she will love you with everything she has left in her.



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24 thoughts on “What It’s Like To Date A Girl Who Lost Her Mother

  1. Ilene

    I think it’s the same as “when you’re married and your wife’s mother dies” single or married it stinks either way BUT your words are very true and resonate with me. You’re a beautiful girl and I’m sure your mom is with you every step of the way x

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  2. Pingback: What It Is Like To Date A Girl Without A Mother | Natural Health Resource Center

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  4. Haley

    I’m 17, my mother passed when I was 3 years old. I don’t really remember, or even know much about her, but I know she was such a wholehearted person and would go out of her way to help anyone. She battled breast cancer for a few years, she was only 40 when she died. Especially being a teenager, its so hard walking through life with little guidance from a woman. Any problem I face, I just feel she’d have the answer, and I’ll never find that answer. She went through so much with my father throughout their marriage and I feel like she would just know everything about hardships, relationship wise. I’m going to track down your book, I’m extremely interested!

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  5. Tamara Summers

    My mother was 60 years old when she was ready to travel on to be with the Lord. She was on dialysis and she couldn’t understand why? I took care of her for 7 yrs and 7 is the number of completion! I did my best and we fought the good fight together until she got tired. Although some may never believe that a Mother will help prepare you in case anything should ever happen. I do believe that’s why I listen and took heed!
    May her soul rest in peace along with the other Mothers who left too soon. You will never be forgotten! 11-13-54💘 4-23-15😇

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  6. Sherri

    Wow. This is so true! I lost my mother in January of 2007. 8 months later my finacee’ passed away. I have since found love again. He is my angel. I them every single day. Thank you

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  7. Linda K Hendrickson

    I lost my mother when she was 38, I was 9. 53 years ago! These words could not be more true, even after all these years. I have felt this way my whole life and I think sometimes my husband understands but not completely.

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  8. Patti Gaitanos

    Lost my mom at age 8 I’m 54 yrs old and reading this is so true I see alot if myself reading this….

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  9. bretagnebk

    This blog has very valid points but it should have had a title that focuses on women who have had mothers that died. I was an orphan. My experience and the experience of others is not the same.

    I don’t feel a longing or sadness when my spouse talks about his mother. I feel a sense of respect and admiration. I look at him like a man that I want in my life because he values his mother. In that I value him more.

    I don’t want my spouse to meet my mother. It would be the most embarrassing experience ever.

    Life is interesting. It never gives more than you can handle even when you feel that you can’t handle it. If you are willing to learn from life you will learn to accept how the life you are living is a saving grace from the life you could have lived.

    On another note, I am a model and a photographer. I capture moments in both ends not only for the art of beauty but mainly because it’s that one moment that you can capture life and freeze it. You get to keep that moment forever and every time you see that image you can feel what you felt in that moment. That is what is priceless about photography. We stop the moments that most walk by on. We have the ability to continuously recreate a that often is long gone in your mind and body, but never your soul. #orphanannie

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  10. Kate

    My mother was granted her wings 32 years ago today. I was 10…. she passed from complications due to anorexia/bulimia. I miss her every day. So much of this article rings true. I can’t relate to all of it, as it seems the author lost their mother when she was an adult. And that’s ok. It’s just a different experience. We’re all in the same boat here.

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    1. Suzonna

      My daughter has suffered with anorexia since age 14. She is now 29 with two daughters of her own. You don’t know how many times how many nights I lay awake wondering if I’m going to get a phone call about my daughter not waking up. It has been a long struggle full of heartaches. I pray that her daughters don’t end up at a young age without a mother. 💔💔💔

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  11. Zinhle

    I lost my mother when i was only 5 years old i do not remember much about her although i wish she was here bcoz i dnt know anything about her all i hv its pictures so i do not talk about her a lot its been 18 years but i still feel the void that no one can ever feel.

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    1. Lisa

      I struggled with a/b
      Since I was 12-
      My children were the only reason I tried to quit, I even faked my feelings to teach them the truth so they wouldn’t be like me-until my faking would become reality 40 years I’ve struggled with it, mostly just the anorexia now, but bcz I made it a “disgusting choice -i openly spoke about, my kids didn’t repeat it, I didn’t push my beliefs of body image on them I just fed them healthy foods, one is a fitness instructor weight lifter, who lectures me regularly!
      I’m alive-i hope your daughter will stay that way to. I studied alot. My kids did all Thier reports on parts of the disease and it broke my heart; they meant more to me then my body, when I was pregnant and nursing they came first, them later I found a way to make sure I was healthy for them are too take care of them,
      Us anorexics, can’t do guilt…. If she loves those kids that’s your key GMA use them to control your daughter but in suggestion, let her control her self… We don’t like to be controlled either… It’s usually what starts it …. Feeling out of control some where in our life and wanting to take hold!
      Even if it’s just weight!
      I wish u all the luck in the world so those kids don’t lose Thier mom!
      (Sorry posters, this GMA post just spoke to my heart)
      Lp

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  12. SA Springer

    My mother made sure I found the man who would do all the things this article mentions. She had to, she must have…the coincidental meetings and re-meetings could only have been managed from Heaven. When she died, I was 17; I met the man I was going to marry a year later, but we didn’t realize we were meant to be together until many more years had passed. We moved away from each other, moved back, then finally ran into each other in the middle of a snowstorm. Too many “chance” occurrences.

    Thank you, Mom. He sees beyond the face I show the world; he knows how fragile I really am. He values me for being me. Yes, Mom, he’s a lot like Dad was to you. For the last 36 years he’s made me remember, not forget, the wonderful woman who raised me.

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  13. Jennifer

    I fought back tears reading this and somehow managed it. My mother passed away at the age of 36 from cancer and I was 14, my youngest sister 9, oldest 19. It devastated all of us and we never got to fully grieve or heal. I pray for all the people who lose loved ones,especially mothers, that they seek help in prayer or a friend or professional help. It’s not easy at all and after 15 years I Still cry and miss her. Still cry out and talk to her. Wish I could have seen her spend time with her grandkids most. She would have been so amazing. She was so selfless and never let her problems interfere with us. She showed me what tough rrallybwas and I truly still admire her. She is my angel and the longing for your mother never fades. I have trouble talking about her without getting so emotional and not be able to speak or think straight. God rest her beautiful soul 👼💓🙌

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  14. Jane

    I was a mum at 21 and motherless at 25, I had just begun to cherish my new found relationship with my mum, being a mum myself sharing the joy children bring, learning to cook for a family my new role as a care giver , having to put someone else first, my mum walked this path with me and I have fond memories, but I also still cry , I look now at my grandchildren and know how she felt, how she made them feel like they could rule the world and nothing was ever too much trouble for her, i hope I can be half the woman, mother, nana she was ,

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